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Saturday, January 23, 2010

a moment of reflection....

I got an email today about a walk for autism. And all of a sudden I was overcome by all these emotions of what autism was and how it has so profoundly changed my life in ways i would never have imagined. The sobering fact that now 1 in every 90 boys will be affected by this developmental disorder. i still remember the day I was told Ben was autistic...being in denial and being told that i have to accept the fact that this is just the way it is and deal with it. Probably one the hardest things i have ever had to do in my lilfe.
Well...here we are 10 yrs later and there are days I still feel like i was just told my son has autism...like getting kicked in the stoamch over and over. No matter how much you cry for it to stop, it doesnt....and wanting so desperately to understand what he is thinking, what makes him tick. and he does the things he does. i fear I will never fully understand no matter how much i try.
on the bright side....he loves life and has a laugh that would light up a room. Will just randomly give me a hug and kiss when I least expect it and then I remember why i love him so much. And makes so excited for the day I will get to know him for the amazing man that he is.

ok...anyone have a tissue?....sniffle

2 comments:

Michelle said...

he's lucky to have you as his mom.

I love reminders like those (the unexpected hug/kiss) ♥

br_oden said...

Marian, Thank you for the heartfelt words and a small glimpse into your life with a special needs child. I know sometimes it is hard to share such personal experiances. But they are appreciated and remind us all to enjoy the simple things in life. I love it when Kyle gives me a hug and kiss and exclaims "I love you mommy"

and ps I always have a tissue for you