a moment of reflection....

I got an email today about a walk for autism. And all of a sudden I was overcome by all these emotions of what autism was and how it has so profoundly changed my life in ways i would never have imagined. The sobering fact that now 1 in every 90 boys will be affected by this developmental disorder. i still remember the day I was told Ben was autistic...being in denial and being told that i have to accept the fact that this is just the way it is and deal with it. Probably one the hardest things i have ever had to do in my lilfe.
Well...here we are 10 yrs later and there are days I still feel like i was just told my son has autism...like getting kicked in the stoamch over and over. No matter how much you cry for it to stop, it doesnt....and wanting so desperately to understand what he is thinking, what makes him tick. and he does the things he does. i fear I will never fully understand no matter how much i try.
on the bright side....he loves life and has a laugh that would light up a room. Will just randomly give me a hug and kiss when I least expect it and then I remember why i love him so much. And makes so excited for the day I will get to know him for the amazing man that he is.

ok...anyone have a tissue?....sniffle

im not dead !

so...it's been awhile since ive written here. i know...life ! but i have returned and will try to do better about keeping my life updated here. Just spent the last 2 days on the most amazing anniversary get away ever. Bryan and I went to anniversary inn. We stayed in the lighthouse room. So cool. bed in the lighthouse...waterfall shower....wow ! Then we went to dinner at the lion house, my absolute fsvorite place to eat in slc... and then headed to Park city for some much needed shopping therapy..lol
we also saw avatar, went to a laser show and visited trolley square. i didnt know it was possible to pack so much activity in a 48 hr period...but it is....phew !